So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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