He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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