my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
