If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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