And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
