in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
