Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
