Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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