wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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