anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
ok first of all what the fuck
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
