i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sober January is a disaster.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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