i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
