thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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