How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
