There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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