you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
