in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
