I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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