So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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