Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
