Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
