so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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