I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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