I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
