Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
