i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
