I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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