SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
