When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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