Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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