It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
