Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
