Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
