You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
