My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My life is pants optional.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
