There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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