So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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