Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we're making bets on your personal life
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
