Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Walk of Shame today included voting.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
