How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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