I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She made me pour olive oil on her.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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