You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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