i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
