are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
