You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
