Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Send help, water and tortillas.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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