Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
