i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize