woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
