At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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