Im at strip club and am horny
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
