I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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