You're my little dorito
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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