11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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