go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
