all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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