Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
