Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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