You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
