So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
