Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
